Darcy's Psychic Hotline
by Chibi Horsewoman
Summary: After 4yrs of being off duty I got inspired again and decided to bring back this piece of work, Darcy and for a twist, Tecna! So read review and ask questions.
1. It begins

Darcy's Psychic Hotline

**The best insanity this side of the psyche ward**

** Dedication: This story is dedicated to all my reviewers especially: Hawk Mad- Who bows to my insanity. Ragnarok Destroyer- who always reviews, Clueless97 who comes up with disturbing ideas of Riven and Sky, PurpleNova823- who leaves such wonderful Reviews and Rogue Scholar07 who inspired my Winx Club writing. **

**Summary: This Author rambles about Darcy Trix having her own psychic hotline**

** Disclaimer: You're reading it**

The Darcy Trix Psychic hotline (yes folks, I am crazy. And bored, but mostly crazy. I blame it on too much Jerry Springer and The Price is Right. And insanity) is my idea. Take it and I'll hunt you down with my legion of pyrotechnic squirrels.

The Darcy Trix Psychic Hotline (TDTPH for short because I'm too tired to keep typing 'The Darcy Trix Psychic Hotline'. Plus I just don't feel like it!) is possible because I figure that since Darcy can manipulate people's thoughts she can manipulate the future. Heck, even if she _can't_ manipulate the future she can manipulate people into thinking that she knows what she's talking about.

For an example of how this could work- read the following: Say Musa (poor unsuspecting Musa ) or Riven (I'd pay to see that) could call up TDTPH to find out about their love life. And Darcy can say something about Riven leaving Musa for a hotter older woman. Hey she's done it before, why not again?

So even if she's a manipulative, lying deceitful- uh witch (children's show people) Why shouldn't Darcy have her own psychic hotline? She's already put up with Icy I think she deserves a break.

And if she changed her name from Darcy to something less conspicuous- maybe Cassandra? She'd be famous and make a lot of money. Okay she'd still be infamous since she'd be causing pain and heartache to millions, but hot damn would she be rich!

Since Darcy- or is it Cassandra- would be reaching so many more people with her services she'd need some one to help out. That's where Tecna would come in. Sure Tecna doesn't have mind control powers and she isn't even a witch, but she knows her Internet really well. She could look up dirt on everyone in Magix and beyond.

This would work out very well until the Winx Club interfered. (Does this prove my insanity yet?)

Well it was a crazy idea. I just needed to get something like this out to prepare everyone for my next wave of insanity.

**If you have any rude comments, praise or offers of psychiatric help, please leave a message by pressing the blue button **

**Don't kill me now. I won't have time for my other ideas!**


	2. Ha! I bet you thought I was done!

**Darcy's Psychic Hotline**

**The best insanity this side of the psyche ward**

**Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to all PurpleNova823- who wrote IF Riven was married to Stella. Wildcat ranger who suggested Darcy torture Sky and Bloom and Hawk Mad who suggested Ms Griffin calling in… She's next!**

**Summary: This was only going to be a one shot. But some people wanted more.**

**Disclaimer: I don't suffer from insanity- I enjoy every minute of it.**

**Our first caller: Sky!**

Now I figured that since Darcy has her own psychic network she'll set up shop at a radio station.

Well okay more accurately she'd have someone else set her up in a radio station, or steal someone's spot. But either way she'd be on the radio.

So Darcy would have her own show and being lazy she'd keep her own name. But the populace of Magix would figure it was a different Darcy and still call in.

One of the callers would be Sky because he either one: Needs help ruling his kingdom or two doesn't trust Bloom.

Seeing that Sky did lie to Bloom it'd most likely be the whole trust issue. I mean he'd probably figure that since he lied about who he was and the fact that he was- oh how do I say this- **_engaged _**and didn't tell Bloom he may have some issues.

So Sky will call Darcy not knowing that she's Darcy from the Trix sisters of Cloud Tower. He'll want to know if Bloom might be cheating on him.

Darcy will pick up the phone and find Sky on the other end, she'll grin evilly.

"Hello, you're my first caller, what's your question?"

"I want to know if my girlfriend, Bloom, is cheating on me."

Darcy's evil grin will probably spread so wide her face will crack- not literally. "You bet she is. She's cheating on you with Riven."

The above is just a guess of what she'll say, but I bet it'd be close to the truth.

Sky will definitely slam his phone down after that and storm off to find Riven.

When he finds Riven, Sky will hit first and ask questions later. He will also be so pissed off that the prince won't notice Musa sitting behind Riven. That will be a big tactical mistake on his part because Musa doesn't like people messing with Riven.

So Musa will start to beat up Sky. She may even throw things at his head. With Sky's luck Musa will have her amp and electric guitar and decide to throw them.

But Sky will tell Musa what's happening and whatever she has will be thrown at Riven. Then she and Sky will go hunt down Bloom.

Musa will kick Bloom's booty from Magix to Gardenia and back again for screwing her man.

Then everyone will find out that this was a big misunderstanding and get really depressed.

Except for Darcy because she knew what was going to happen. And it went even better than she expected.

**Yes! Mission accomplished!

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**You can flame all you want! It helps my heating bill! Okay don't flame. Just tell me what you think so I can feel important.**


	3. Second Caller Ms Griffin

**Darcy's Psychic Hotline**

**The best insanity this side of the psyche ward**

**Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to PurpleNova823-. Hawk Mad who suggested Ms Griffin calling in Here she is, Ragnarok Destroyer who will see Musa and Flora tortured next. Kikii Ember who loves my stuff (I hope) and Rose 2005 who I forgot in the last dedication- sorry. **

**Summary: This was only going to be a one shot. But some people wanted more.**

**Disclaimer: I love younger men, they're easier to manipulate**

**Our Second Caller : Ms Griffin**

Well, we've seen what happens when Darcy has a student from Red Fountain call in. But what about her former headmistress, Ms. Raven Griffin? I guess you'll just have to read on.

Okay so say Ms. Griffin has to chaperone a dance at Cloud Tower and she really wishes she had someone to dance with while she was there. Well I guess she'd call the network to find out who was going to ask her.

So Ms. Griffin picks up the phone and dials the radio station that Darcy works at- okay that Darcy took over are you happy now? Thought so. Anyway, Darcy picks up and says in a bad Texan accent. "Howdy ma'am, you're on the air what can I help you with?"

The green skinned headmistress will probably be thinking of a certain Red Fountain professor- for the sake of the readers let's say it's Saladin. So she asks if he'll ask her to the dance. Or to dance since they're both teachers.

Well, Darcy is probably pissed off from something or other, most likely it's that nasty incident where she was kicked out of Cloud Tower. So Darcy says that Saladin isn't the one who wants to go out with her, but some one else is.

Ms Griffin of course is intrigued because now she wonders if maybe it's Palladium because she does have a bit of a crush on him. So she asks who.

Darcy grins wickedly and says "Ms Faragonda.."

Ms Griffin slams down the phone and vows never to call another psychic hotline again. Meanwhile Darcy falls off her chair laughing too damn hard.

**_Finally got that done_**

**Thanks everyone for waiting so long! I hope you enjoyed it.**


	4. HMFR Love Square!

**Darcy's Psychic Hotline**

**The best insanity this side of the psyche ward**

**Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Duckie- he knows who he is as well as all the members of the Red Squirrel Army. You know who you are**

**Summary: This was only going to be a one shot. But some people wanted more.**

**Disclaimer: No good deed goes unpunished**

**Third Caller: Musa**

Okay so Darcy has gotten back at Ms Griffin for kicking her out of Cloud Tower. So she's bored again and looking to make trouble. Luckily for her (and everyone reading this story) Musa is looking for advice on her love life (What is it with Alfea and Red Fountain people and love? My Gods don't they have Amore for that?) So she calls up Darcy's Psychic Hotline because it has high ratings- not exactly a high rate of return callers, but the ratings are high. Plus Darcy has really good taste in music so Musa listens to the show for the music.

But back to the story okay? Musa is curious as to where her and Riven's relationship is heading because he told her he loved her (At least he did in the Italian version- I don't remember what he said in the other versions) and all she could really say back was nothing. So Musa calls Darcy and wants to know where her and Riven's relationship is heading and of course Darcy wants to mess with the pig tailed non princess of Melody (It wouldn't be a funny chapter if she didn't mess with someone)

Darcy thinks for a second- maybe thirty seconds I wasn't there. Then she says that Riven may say he loves her now, but he's really in love with Flora. After all he does seem to have a thing for green eyed brunettes. Or did Musa forget that?

Musa of course gets angry and slams the phone down in search of Riven and Flora to offer them a can of whoop ass.

Meanwhile Darcy (of course Darcy- who did you expect Natalie Maines (1)?) some how manages to send text messages to both Riven and Flora getting them to meet eachother in a park. Then she sends texts to Helia and Musa saying that they're ditching them to be with eachother. Only not as confusing. Actually Helia's text says : Drop dead fruit tart and Musa's is just 'U Suk' because everyone assumes Riven failed spelling.

So everyone arrives at this park and it looks very suspicious. Which is of course the plan because Darcy (Not Natalie Maines ) set everyone up unbeknownst to everyone. Because Darcy is the smart one.

Musa gets angry and offers Flora a can of Whoop ass. Flora of course refuses saying she was just replying to a text that Riven sent and no one should fault her for being polite. And Musa says no, but they can sure fault you for being a slimy slime ball ho bag.

Flora of course takes offense to this and hits Musa. But then of course being Flora she apologizes profusely and they make up because they figure that no guy is worth their friendship. Then they leave they guys to go for ice cream. (Because I had nothing else for them to do and fighting over boys is stupid)

This just leaves Helia and Riven. Riven gets mad because he just lost his girl friend and has no idea and besides that whole scene was even worse than the one with him Sky and Bloom So Riven charges at Helia and ends up jabbing the pacifist wannabe in the eye with his pointy hair.

Being poked in the eye by Jell-O head gets Helia very angry- oh very angry indeed. So Helia slides his gloves on and starts trying to strangle Riven with his laser whip. Riven of course doesn't like that so he kicks Helia in the uh… nether regions.

This fighting goes on for eternity- okay maybe that was too dramatic. Erase that sentence. This fighting goes on until Brandon and Sky come by and pull them apart. Meanwhile Darcy is somewhere painting her nails and laughing maniacally about the whole scene.

_**End**_

**I am extraordinarily proud of myself for this update. So please review**

**1.) Natalie Maines is the lead singer for the Dixie Chicks**


	5. Tecna's Long Lost Sister?

**Darcy's Psychic Hotline**

**The best insanity this side of the psyche ward**

**Dedication: This chapter is for Stills who probably doesn't remember, but when she was PurpleNova823 she asked me to do a chapter for Tecna. Yes that was four years ago, but I am nothing if not accommodating and a bit of a procrastinator**

**Summary: Darcy has a psychic hotline. You don't really have to go back and read the other chapters because they really have nothing to do with one another. But I would be much obliged if you did.**

**Disclaimer: I'm a little tea pot short and stout this is my handle this is my spout. My shrink says I'm getting a lot better last week I thought I was a toaster.**

**Chapter 5: Caller four Tecna**

Now it's been a few years since Darcy's fielded any calls. Personally I blame that whole mess with Valtor, but hey at least she's back and ready to take more calls. Heck now she's even got a website complete with an email and an altered picture which makes her look like Lady Gaga. And a smart phone with internet access and GPS incase she wants to. She even streams her radio broadcast online throughout the magical dimension. But still when Darcy's at the studio on her own time she still does things the old fashioned way.

So one day while Darcy is back from making some coffee she sees a call light on her board and picks it up. The caller is Tecna, yes _Tecna_. No I'm not lying! Just because most writers (including the ones for the show) portray her as robotic and practically comatose doesn't mean she's not secretly paranoid and wondering why Roxy looks like her doppelganger. (You know, like the rest of us viewers who saw the fourth season)

Anyways enough of that mindless blather, Darcy used a fake accent or something and found out it was indeed Tecna. After recovering from shock she asks her favorite Winx girl (Hey Darcy could probably beat Tecna with both arms and a leg tied behind her back, so of course _she's_ the favorite. Even if I do love Tecna myself) what she needs help with.

Tecna confesses that ever since the girls got back to Magix from Gardenia she's been wondering about Roxy and why she looks like her doppelganger. Not only is it illogical, it's also creeping her out. She needs to know why that's the case.

First Darcy is gob smacked, the Winx were away from Magix for a year and they didn't know about it. Then she's puzzled because she hasn't a bloody clue who Roxy is. But of course not knowing who anyone is has never stopped Darcy from being able to make up stories.

So Darcy being Darcy takes a deep breath and tells Tecna that she has the strangest feeling that Roxy isn't just some lost fairy, she's Tecna's long lost sister. Darcy reasons that since she's read enough fanfics where Bloom and even Stella have long lost sisters that maybe the same could be true for Tecna. Besides, it's fun to mess with people's heads.

Tecna of course is flabbergasted, Roxy is her sister. How the hell is that even possible? But then again no one believed that fairies still lived on Earth. So after she hangs up with Darcy Tecna hurries over to where Roxy is now rooming with Galatea and gives the bewildered fairy of animals a bone crushing hug.

Needless to say, Roxy of course asks Tecna why in the world she's hugging her and to let her go because she thinks she fractured a rib.

Tecna replies that she believes Roxy is her long lost sister and begins to start tearing up which leads Roxy to run from the room screaming that she thinks Tecna's been spelled. Tecna runs after Roxy shouting back that she hasn't been spelled, she just called a psychic hotline which told her that Roxy was her sister.

After both magenta haired fairies are gone, Galatea boots up her laptop and begins to blog about that recent experience on the Realm Wide Web. Darcy later reads Galatea's blog and starts laughing maniacally.

**_It's good to be back._**

**So this story is now officially off hiatus and back where it can be admired and people can point, stare and ask questions. I'll take suggestions, but I can't promise anything. I type for characters as the mood hits.**


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